It's in God's Hands

For some time now I've had a difficult relationship with another member of my family. I dont want to go into full detail about this issue, rather I'd like to discuss how I might go about resolving the issue. This matter CONSUMES me! I am a very emotional person. No, I don't show it most of the time, but inside I am. I carry my heart on my sleeve. At times I wish I had "thicker" skin (like Matthew always tells me I need) but you know what I am me and I am going to deal with me.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful boss who happens to be a very good friend! I can tell him anything, and most times I do!! Him & I attend the same church so most Mondays we will discuss the sermon from the day before. And oh my was yesterday's a goodie! Well most Sunday's I think the same but yesterday's words spoke to me.

Sunday's sermon was about each of us "writing" our life story. The decisions we make, the environment we are in, etc; everything is adding to the scriptures of our lives that God has intended for us. Usually when I don't understand something or need to discuss something in further detail I discuss it with my boss on Monday morning. Today is no different, except that I had more questions than normal.

I felt like Pastor was speaking directly to me and I couldn't help but think of how my situation with this family member was consuming my life and what story it was telling in my book of life. Kind of deep if you ask me. Think about it... do we ever sit back to look at how the decisions we make today are effecting the rest of our lives? I know I don't all the time. But this issue is hitting me like a ton of bricks. It has been going on for almost a year now and I've decided something has got to give. I've tried to "solve" this problem for months now with no ending in sight.

So, my boss was telling me of an example Pastor used yesterday. You see we have a service on Sat. night and 2 on Sunday mornings. I go to the early service on Sunday and my boss to the later so even though Pastor is teaching the same service no 2 services are exactly the same. And I'm very glad we go to different ones to compare the little stories Pastor tells with his life examples. I told my boss today that I feel I have been the bigger person through this relationship (or lack of)with this other person, but that I'm still the one being hurt through it all and I don't understand it. So I decided I have a few choices. I could either ignore her, avoid her, or confront her. What I didn't realize was the answer is not in any of these choices, but rather a kind of combination if you will.

Here is Pastor's life example: years ago when Pastor was in college he had a mentor. A couple guys had said some awful things about the mentor. Pastor and the mentor went to lunch at a Big Boys about a week later. When they walked in there sat the 2 men that were saying bad things about the mentor. Pastor was very angry and wanted to kick their butts (or something like that). The mentor walked over to the men and sat with them, made small talk, and invited them to lunch the next week. He then got up and him and Pastor sat at their own table and went on about their business. Once they got seated away from the men, Pastor asked the mentor what had just happened. Pastor asked him, knowing those men were saying bad things about him how he could act like nothing had happened and instead be nice to the men. The mentor explained how by doing that he had control over the 2 men. They had no idea what was going on or why the mentor was being nice to them. See where I'm going with this? Its kind of like killing them with kindness. It really made the light come on in my head! Now I have my answer!

Sure acting on this is going to be very difficult but I know in the end I will feel better about myself and I know I wont be going through this alone! I pray that this member will see that she doesn't have the control over me & my feelings that she has had for the last year. I mean I was only hurting myself by letting her get to me, and everyone around me who didn't deserve it. I shut out other family members at get-togethers because she had me so sad, mad, and down in the dumps, I have put Matthew through hell telling him how aweful someone in his family is and he better do something about it; I've even threatened divorce. This is not fair for me or Matt. I am ashamed it has taken me a year to figure this out. Now that I know what I have to do I just have to do it.

This person is now pregnant and just Friday I threatened to not even go to her shower because I knew she wouldnt be appreciative of it. Well, I've taken the first step "to my recovery" just today. I have made myself available for not only the shower but to help host it. This is a very big deal for me! All I can do now is put this situation in God's hands and have the faith to know He will lead me through this difficult chapter in my life and only give me great blessings from it. I know this is going to be hard but worth it in the end!!